Mark and I have wandered into the time period of a million eye rolls. Our firstborn is our leader into this foray, but seeing that two more like him are in line, I think we'll be in this period for a long while.
Yes, Ben is slowly evolving into a sullen preteen. I don't know if this is a Ben thing or a tween thing, but we had a classic showdown on Friday night. Ben and Paul were "play fighting" with Gus in the living room. I rebuked them that they're old enough to know better than to rough house (that's right, I said rough house) upstairs. I reminded them that they're older, and I expect them to set an example for Gus.
Ben, all cockiness, looked at me and said, "That's fine, we'll just go do it downstairs then!"
The whole thing left me feeling dissed in every way. Disrespected. Disregarded. Ben offered no apology, no acknowledgement of wrongdoing. We tend to think of our oldest as the kid who can do no wrong. That is, he has a pathological refusal to accept culpability. Ben's motto is, "It's not my fault!"
Ben's shunning of personal responsibility isn't what gets under my skin the most, though. In fact, I'd guess that Ben's tendencies are pretty common among kids. No, all I'd like is for him to at least seem sorry, you know go through the motions, even if he still thinks he's right and I'm wrong. Instead of doing that, my boy tends to go the defiant route.
After things had settled, Mark and I had a talk with Ben. I asked him to look up the word, "conciliatory" in the dictionary. Here's what he found: "Conciliatory: to regain or try to regain goodwill by pleasant behavior." That's what I want. When the kids screw up, I'd like them to be conciliatory, to admit that they've erred and try to do better.
Our heart-to-heart with Ben was met with an invisible, if not overt, eye roll. The unspoken implication was along the lines of fine, whatever. There was to be no great reconciliation.
I know I was probably silly to expect any grand resolution. I really should know better. We are embarking on uncharted waters, with an often-irrational being who is under the influence of emotions that are somewhat beyond his control.
I've often heard parents of older kids warn that if you think parenting babies and toddlers is hard, you should try teenagers. I'm sure that's true to a greater extent than I'm capable of understanding at present. I'm also sure that they've probably forgotten exactly what it feels like to bring up a young one.
Right now, Mark and I are in both worlds: parenting younger kids and an older one. (Though I'm sure we haven't seen anything yet when it comes to Ben.) Yes, the young ones wear you down with their unending barrage of requests and needs. I'm starting to see, though, how the older ones can vex in a whole different way. You somehow expect them to become more reasonable and rational, and yet they're so not.
Some of us may be losing sleep raising a baby. Others are staying up at night worrying about the choices a teen is making, wondering where their child is and what he or she is doing. Still others may be making their way through the challenging world of toddlers and preschoolers (3-year-olds - need I say more?). Whether you're raising a 4-year-old or a 14-year-old, there's no doubt about it, they take it out of you emotionally.
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