Careful what you wish for

It wasn't so long ago that Ben's social life - or lack thereof - was high on my list of worries. For a time, Mark and I used to beg, plead and, on and occasion or two, bribe Ben to put himself out there socially. As the saying goes, watch what you wish for because you just might get it.

Once the boy who was seemingly content to spend his hours reading, hanging out with the family or playing video games on his own, our oldest son's social life has found its wings. And now, of course, I'm wishing things were a little more like they used to be.

On a recent weekend, Ben went on a middle school bus trip to Folk Fair, an ethnic festival in Milwaukee. He was gone all day Saturday, and when I picked him up in the turnaround of his school parking lot, in some ways it was like I'd retrieved an entirely new boy.

Ben had spent the day with a friend, eating a Filipino combo plate (and many churros). It's the kind of thing that he'd never try if I were there, but he clearly enjoyed this bit of freedom. In the car, he handed me a bracelet he'd bought for me. He'd also purchased small gifts for his dad and brothers. Who was this kid?

Once home, Ben promptly received a text from our neighbor and his best friend, Ben, and he was gone. That night, he asked if his friend, Austin, could spend the night. I agreed, having a hard time wrapping my head around exactly how we'd gotten to this point.

I relish watching Ben form bonds. I love that he's got a best buddy. The Bens are together most of the time, either here or at the other Ben's house. It makes me smile to see them carry on like brothers and tell their many inside jokes.

Though he's got the faintest hint if a mustache, Ben has yet to undergo his major growth spurt, but his friends certainly have. They come over with their ginormous, man-sized feet and deep voices, and it's hard to believe that these were the little boys who first came to Ben's birthday parties years ago. I remember learning that adolescence is the fastest time of growth aside from babyhood, and that is happening before my eyes.

In a lot of ways, though, the youth of these boys still shines through. Yes, one of Ben's good friends may be old enough to have a kind-of-girlfriend, but that doesn't mean he and Ben are too old to unabashedly tell truly lame jokes in the car while I sit and shake my head, smiling. 

I must admit that part of me feels sad. Ben has begun to seek autonomy, which is natural and good, but it leaves me feeling lonesome for his company and a time that passed all too quickly. He still loves to sit down and watch "Survivor" with Mark and me, but at bedtime where he used to come snuggle in our bed for his reading time before retiring to his own room, he now heads to his room to read solo. For now Ben still wants to be tucked in, but I know it's just a matter of time before he merely accepts good night hugs rather than actually seeking them.

Despite my blues, wish from not so long ago was sincere, and I'm happy it came true. My boy is becoming his own young man and all is right in the world.