I suppose it's human nature - my nature, especially - to long for exactly what you don't have at the moment. A mere week or two after the summer began, I started to miss the structure of school days. It sometimes felt like the days and weeks, this time of freedom, would stretch on forever. The pressure of finding the right balance between fun and enrichment in the boys' schedules was getting to me, the onslaught of requests for Wii time, iPod time exhausting me.
We whiled away the days with various lessons, classes and activities, and with ample blocks of free time. The boys and I spent far less time outside than I'd intended. July rolled around, and still I thought, we'd have all the time in the world for trips to the park and pool. By this point, it's pretty much fait accompli that my parenthood journey will not turn out the way I'd envisioned, and this summer simply has reinforced that. Try though I may to be positive, my mindset always jerks back to getting through days rather than enjoying them.
Now just two or so weeks remain before school is set to begin. I've purchased all the school supplies, and now I'm feeling blue. Right now, we're enjoying our annual summer vacation with my family, probably one of the season's last hurrahs. Suddenly, I don't want the structure of the school year; I want the freedom of summer. I want the boys home with me.
Of course, if someone handed me my wish, for the summer to start over again, I'd immediately begin to pine for the structure of school. Like it or not, the great thief called time has stepped in, and summer is drawing to a close. Soon, the boys will be off to school. And I'll start longing for next summer.
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