Fifth grade opens a whole new world - and a new can of worms

In my mind, I often still think of Ben as this ...

But in actuality, of course, this is him.

I knew immediately that girls had landed on Ben's radar when I witnessed the following. He and Paul were playing with the neighbor boy, who we affectionately refer to as Big Ben, because he's two years older than our Ben. Ben's younger sisters, Sophie and Lily, rang the doorbell to tell their brother it was time to come home. Our Ben, Little Ben, said, "Your ugly sister is here, Ben." If that's not a tell-tale sign that Ben's noticed the adorable Sophie, who's in his grade, I don't know what is.

I wasn't too surprised to discover Ben's interest. There had been little signs along the way. I taught Ben's faith formation class last year, and I detected a flirty tone beginning to develop between the boys and girls of our class. At the end of last school year, Ben began to insist on keeping his hair longer. I strongly suspected it had something to do with girls liking longer hair. Today at open house, Ben's teacher and classmates will be revealed. "Which girls do you hope are in your class," I teased. (I know that makes me sound like I've turned into one of those annoying adults who asks too-young kids who their girlfriend or boyfriend is.) "I don't know, I don't care," he said, blushing and giggling.

Of course, I have mixed feelings about all of this and about the fact that next week, Ben will enter his final year of elementary school. It's all gone by at warp speed, and it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that he soon will be in middle school. He still seems so young to me. Yet I remember feeling quite grown-up in fifth grade, and that was the year that my peers began pairing off and the year that I first began to notice boys, though it would be years before that led to anything for shy me.

I know it's not time, just yet, to get all concerned about my boy and the opposite sex. Some friends say their kids Ben's age already have "girlfriends" or "boyfriends." We're nowhere near that, thank God. And even though, like I said, Ben definitely notices girls, I'm certain that in the scope of his interests, they're still a distant second to video games, sports, and even a good book. However, I also know that in a scant year or two, that easily could be flipped on its head.

Ready or not, it won't be long before the hormones arrive. I don't yet know how I'll handle it all. On the one hand he's perfectly adorable and wonderful to me, and I'll applaud the smart girls who notice. Probably, though, a bigger part of me will be inclined to be just a little bit territorial. Remember, girls, he's mine first. Mine.

School's looming, and some things will never change

I suppose it's human nature - my nature, especially - to long for exactly what you don't have at the moment. A mere week or two after the summer began, I started to miss the structure of school days. It sometimes felt like the days and weeks, this time of freedom, would stretch on forever. The pressure of finding the right balance between fun and enrichment in the boys' schedules was getting to me, the onslaught of requests for Wii time, iPod time exhausting me.

We whiled away the days with various lessons, classes and activities, and with ample blocks of free time. The boys and I spent far less time outside than I'd intended. July rolled around, and still I thought, we'd have all the time in the world for trips to the park and pool. By this point, it's pretty much fait accompli that my parenthood journey will not turn out the way I'd envisioned, and this summer simply has reinforced that. Try though I may to be positive, my mindset always jerks back to getting through days rather than enjoying them.

Now just two or so weeks remain before school is set to begin. I've purchased all the school supplies, and now I'm feeling blue. Right now, we're enjoying our annual summer vacation with my family, probably one of the season's last hurrahs. Suddenly, I don't want the structure of the school year; I want the freedom of summer. I want the boys home with me.

Of course, if someone handed me my wish, for the summer to start over again, I'd immediately begin to pine for the structure of school. Like it or not, the great thief called time has stepped in, and summer is drawing to a close. Soon, the boys will be off to school. And I'll start longing for next summer.