Gotta stay off those comments sections

Though they never fail to make me feel sad and hopeless, I'm irresistibly drawn to comments sections. You know what I'm talking about - those areas after news stories et al on the web where readers can leave their feedback. They often are filled with personal attacks on other commenters and outrageous arguments. I peruse with sorrow that people are so divided and can't seem to find a way to even hear what others have to say.

Last week, I wandered onto a doozy of one. I have been somewhat following this NPR series about mothers about to give birth. This one featured a blog a woman had written detailing the way she and her husband had decided they would not choose circumcision for their soon-to-be-born son. The blog itself was fine: the woman offered a reasoned, rational explanation of how she and her husband had arrived at their decision. What followed in the comments section, however, was what I can only describe as (excuse my language) a sh*tstorm of controversy. In the end, nearly 2,000 people sounded off.

I had heard a little about the issue of circumcision, but I had no idea people felt so passionately about it. I have to admit at first I was a little puzzled. After all, circumcision is optional. Seemingly, and I say this without judgment, opponents are not satisfied with that. From what I gather, they think the procedure should be outlawed. The anti-circumcision crowd threw around phrases like barbaric, mutilation, child abuse, human rights violation. And that's where they lost me. You may not agree with circumcision, but how can you call it child abuse when there's plenty of the real thing going on?

Here's a sampling of some of the more outrageous statements:

• Many, many people compared the issue of male circumcision to female genital mutilation. This is preposterous and insulting to women who have suffered that atrocity.

• One woman stated that people who circumcise are just like people who don't breastfeed: too lazy to take care of their children. (Aside: as someone who breastfed and thinks breastfeeding is important, I hope that this woman doesn't argue for the cause of breastfeeding. Ever.)

• Another poster stated that her son was born perfect, and she wasn't going to change that. Implicit message: those of us who choose circumcision believe otherwise about our sons.

• Then there was the guy who said people who circumcise should be imprisoned. I can only hope he was being ironic, but somehow I doubt it.

Don't get me wrong, people on the pro-circ side made their share of rude, flippant comments as well. This is my whole problem. Every website I've ever seen warns readers to keep it civil and refrain from making personal attacks, but please. People in these situations take advantage of their anonymity to write things they would, I hope, never have the nerve to say to someone face-to-face.

When people descend to the level of attacking others and making hyperbolic statements, they really are hurting their own cause. If I were a first-time parent considering the issue of circumcision, and someone used phrases like barbaric and child abuse, I would label that person as a fanatic and stop listening. If, however, that same person simply would state his or her beliefs calmly, I would listen.

Reading people's comments bothered me. A lot. It's not easy to hear a choice that I've made characterized using those strong, ugly words. For the record, as you probably can guess, and I hope this isn't a TMI moment, we chose circumcision for our boys. When we thought about it, we decided that we wanted the boys to enjoy the health and hygiene benefits (I know opponents would argue that this is a non-issue with a little bit of care and teaching), and we wanted them not to suffer teasing when they got older in those locker room situations. If I had it to do over again, I would do more research, and I'm not sure how we would decide. As it is, we made the decision that made sense at the time, and I'm comfortable with that.

Later last week, I was listening to a program on WPR about the need for people to listen to one another and try to understand opposing views. The guest stated that if we keep holding tightly to our own beliefs and shutting everything else out, nothing will ever change for us. It struck me as a virtuous, if challenging, goal. Though I hold my beliefs strongly, I feel that I'm willing to listen to opposing views. The understanding part can be harder, but I certainly can aspire to that. I'm stilling trying to apply this bit of wisdom to the comments section brawl I witnessed. This one could take some time ...