This is getting surreal

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and frankly it blows my mind that I have a son old enough to be going into third grade. Maybe it's an uncomfortable reminder about how swiftly time really does pass. After all, I can remember pretty clearly when I was Ben's age, and it doesn't seem so very long ago.

My life right now seems about as hectic and physically demanding as it ever will be (due in large part to my youngest progeny). As a result, I often find myself wishing that my kids were older, that I could vault past this really difficult part. Yet I know, I know that someday I'll look back and wish that I could return to this "simpler," happy time when my kids were young and their demands were relatively easy to meet. Isn't that just how life works?

I'm forever on a quest to find serenity in my life and to focus more on the joy. I've read a lot about the benefits of mindfulness, you know, living in the moment, avoiding letting your thoughts wander all over the place. I gotta say, that's not something that comes naturally to me, but I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to try in this moment when Ben is on the cusp of a huge transition. He's part little boy, part big boy. Already he's beginning to bristle under my attempts to rustle his hair or hold his hand. And Paulie, who's off to preschool in the fall and then onto kindergarten. He still loves to snuggle and is prone to seeking attention in that middle child sort of way. And of course, Gus, who keeps me literally running after him most of the time. At the same time, he's the most joyful child. When he sees me after time apart, he gets the hugest smile on his face, launches himself into my arms, and says, "Mama!" as if in complete ecstasy at seeing me again. All of these moments of where my kids are just exactly right now are fleeting, and I want to hold onto them.

As a complete, random aside, I wanted to share something that Ben's friend, Olivia, from first grade wrote for the class's "First Grade Memories" book. Ben and Olivia play on the swings each day at recess. I thought it was beautiful and eloquent, and of course it made me cry. "I will always remember the time I went on the swings with Ben. I knew I had someone to play with every day. I knew Ben was a good friend. We talked about our lives. I really like the swings."