Saturday, March 16, 2013

Fasting and feasting

If I had to characterize my relationship status with the Catholic Church, I'd have to go with the Facebook description, "It's complicated." The church provides me with comfort and frustration in nearly equal measure.

As I've written in the past, Catholicism is like a huge, dysfunctional family to me. I love my family, but sometimes I have a really hard time understanding and accepting it. In this case, my family is complete with the equivalent of a grandpa who makes mortifying racist remarks. Only in this case, instead we have a Pope, cardinals and bishops who make mortifying anti-gay remarks. I'm sorry, Catholic Church, there have got to be more important issues over which to throw down the gauntlet. Many, many, many more important issues.

I've shied away from writing about it, but Bishop David Ricken's election-time letter (or if you see it the way I do, his very thinly veiled attempt to intimidate Catholics into voting for Romney) bothered me no end.  The letter specifically attacks abortion, euthanasia,  embryonic stem cell research, human cloning (human cloning?), and homosexual "marriage," as Ricken described it. More than ever before, his missive really had me second-guessing whether the Catholic Church was the right place for me.

Here is an excerpt from Ricken's letter. "But what does this have to do with the election?  Some candidates and one party have even chosen some of these as their party's or their personal political platform.  To vote for someone in favor of these positions means that you could be morally 'complicit' with these choices which are intrinsically evil. This could put your own soul in jeopardy."

Wow, my soul in jeopardy. Those are some strong words. I thought threats like these belonged to another century. For the life of me, I don't see how political choices can be that black-and-white to anyone.

In short, I struggled mightily. Mark and I discussed our concerns with our parish priest. Through it all, though, we've stuck with our church. I guess I keep coming back to the idea that I'd like to stay and hope I can try to be a part of change in the church from within.  Ultimately, too, it's hard to leave your family.

After that very long prelude, I don't want to write about the new pope. I've seen some good and some discouraging about him, so I'll just hope and pray that he takes the church in a positive direction.

Instead, I want to write about a positive experience we had this Lent. Last week, Mark took Ben and Paul to a special Lenten program for faith formation. At the event, kids and parents were asked to complete a project: "Our Family's Lenten Promise to God." On a poster, kids and parents were asked to choose and record negative activities to fast from and positive ones to feast on for each of the remaining three weeks of Lent.

To Mark's surprise, the kids, especially Ben, really dug in and thought about it. Bright and early the next morning, Paul told me I needed to add my fasting and feasting goals to the poster, so naturally I completed my assignment posthaste. Week 1 - fast from negativity, feast on acts of kindness. Week 2 - fast from iPad (well dramatically cut back, anyway), feast on mindfulness and reflection. Week 3 - fast from judging others, feast on counting my blessings.

It's not like this has been a magic tool for creating harmony in our house, but the poster is on our fridge, and we're using it to try to keep one another on track. "Ben, are you fasting from arguing?" "Paul, remember what you said about pouting and complaining?"

I must say, this activity has been good for me. For me, Lent is a time to look closely at myself, but it's easy to grow complacent with my goals. This has gotten me more focused, and I'm checking myself on bad habits more often.

Something tells me my relationship with church will remain stuck at "it's complicated." While, I work through it all, I'm going to hold on to all the positives I can find.

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