As usual, Christmas brings joy and stress

So, another holiday season has drawn to a close. I have to say that I was a little relieved to revert to our normal schedule today. Nearly two weeks of gatherings and travel has left our kids' internal clocks completely out of whack.

This time of the year is always hard for me. We're leaving behind the festive season and embarking on the long, dark, cold months. I think in some ways I truly enjoy the lead-up to Christmas more than the holiday itself. That way I can imagine that somehow everything just might turn out all idyllic and Rockwellian.

The fact that I long for perfection probably explains a lot about why the holidays sometimes are a struggle for me. It can feel like so much pressure to make everyone happy, to be happy. I mean, even one of my favorite Christmas songs urges me to let my heart be light. That can be a difficult instruction for someone like me, who, to be honest, can be prone to brooding. (Though, if you've ever seen Meet Me in St. Louis, the movie in which "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" originated, you know that when Judy Garland sings it, the song is filled with melancholy.)

This Christmas was no different than usual. It had its share of highs and lows, sometimes one following right on the heals of the other. On Christmas Eve, my family, the five of us, celebrated. We opened gifts and ate a big breakfast. Afterward, with extremely full stomachs, I decided we needed a walk. We put on our winter gear and headed to Heckrodt Nature Preserve. Yes, the kids complained a bit throughout, but overall, it was beautiful, probably my favorite memory from all of this Christmas. Snow fell softly, and we were the only ones there. Everything was covered in a white blanket. We saw three deer. All around us was untouched perfection.

Soon after we came home and made hot chocolate for the boys, the phone rang. It was my mom calling to tell me that a family friend had undergone surgery to remove a brain tumor. Later that day, we learned that he most likely has advanced brain cancer. John, one of my parents' closest friends, the dad of our dear childhood playmates, is like family. I took the news hard, and it cast a pall over everything.

The rest of Christmas break brought moments of joy as well as stresses. We laughed donning our paper crowns and reading the cheesy jokes that come in the Christmas poppers my mom always buys. We watched the boys' faces light up upon receiving a much-wanted gift. Mark and I played a new game with Ben. And then there was the moment I had a meltdown when Paul and Gus would. Not. Stop. Bickering.

During Christmas, like every other time, life will continue to throw challenges at us. I suppose the best we can do is try to focus on the good parts. I will carry on with a heavy heart about our friend. In my heavy heart, I will also hold on to a time walking in the woods with my family on a gorgeous winter's morning.