The intensity is strong with this one

I suppose that a lot of personality traits carry with them both positive and negative aspects. That certainly is the case with my oldest boy. I'll just put it this way: Ben is intense. And incredibly competitive. 

The pluses are easy to identify. Ben is driven to stand out, to succeed. This helps him to excel in school, to give his all in whatever sport he's participating. He may not be the tallest or the fastest kid in running club (in fact, he's probably one of the smaller kids, truth be told), but he always pushes himself to be a top finisher. He wants to win every game, every bee - spelling or geography, every race.

Unfortunately, the negatives are pretty evident, too. First of all, obviously Ben can't be the best at everything, and when he's not, the you-know-what can hit the fan pretty quickly. Becoming a good sport and team player has been a learning curve for my oldest. Take for example last year when his indoor soccer coach repeatedly dispatched him to play defense rather than offense. Ben wound up shedding tears of frustration. It seemed that defense wasn't good enough for him. He wanted the glory of offense. In baseball, you guessed it, he loves to bat, field not so much.

Last weekend, we went to family bowling on Sunday morning. Everyone had a good time, cheered their strikes and spares, laughed at their failures. Everyone except Ben. He grew increasingly agitated that he was in last place. Seriously though, we had the bumpers up - it can go any which way, and Gus was using a ramp! Ben was miserable, and drove us all a little crazy with his moaning and groaning. And you should hear the tortured cries that emanate from him when he's not doing well in a video game. "Please," I want to scream, "just let go and have fun!"

I remember us babysitting Mark's nephew when he was about Ben's age. I watched in discomfort as he played a video game and banged his head against the couch when he did poorly. Little did I know that would be my kid some years later. Jake is now nearly 17 and one of the best kids I know, so I have confidence this will work itself out for Ben. I hope Ben's intensity and competitiveness will round themselves out and serve him well in the future. Until then, though, I'd better steel myself for some drama.