Ode to marriage

Surprise, surprise, I'm a day late here. Valentine's Day got me thinking. [Aside: Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday, no doubt. But gosh, I'd argue that we really need something a little sweet this time of year to get us through to spring, so I embrace it.] Back to my deep thoughts. Like many, I had long hoped that I would find someone with whom to share my life. And I think I've well-established that I feel that I've struck it rich in terms of finding that someone.

However, I find it's really easy to extol the virtues of my partner when I'm writing or waxing reflective, a lot harder to actively appreciate what I have in day-to-day living. The difficulty of marriage is one of those truisms that got to became such because, well, it's true. What I mean to say is that marriage takes a lot of work. After spending years with someone, the shine inevitably starts to wear off - there's a reason people warn about "after the honeymoon." I mean, just look at Mark and me in our wedding photo. So young! So innocent! Soon the reality of making it financially sets in; perhaps your annoying habits and his become more glaring. Add a couple kids, and things become infinitely more complicated. Not only are you battling personality differences, now you've added parental styles that, let's face it, pretty much cannot align perfectly.

I read this memoir recently, Planting Dandelions, by Kyran Pittman. I found it infinitely relatable, not only because the author, like me, is raising three boys, but because she really captures what it's like to be in a marriage. Pittman spent many of her first years of motherhood as a stay-at-home mom, and she describes perfectly some of the conflicts that arise from that. She details the little resentments that can surface when one parent is working, the other staying home (working at home, natch), these secret feelings that the other person has it better, easier somehow. I know I've found myself envious at times of Mark wearing nice clothes to a job where he has a QUIET office and can talk to adults. I'd wager that he sometimes wishes he could throw on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and forget about going to his quiet office. The reality, of course, is that the daytime life you're imagining for the other person probably is just a tad idyllic.

So maybe I'm getting a little off course here, talking about all the challenges of matrimony. Because really, what I mean to say is that I love the whole complicated, laborious, wonderfulness of marriage. I love Mark's emotional steadiness as a counterbalance to my occasional moodiness (sorry, hon, you're on the losing end of that one). I take charge in making plans, while Mark is more likely to go with the flow. Furthermore, I think our family needs both of our parenting styles: Mark telling Paul that he needs to get back in his bed, me occasionally letting Paul sneak into our bed at night. When I feel like I need to be the bad cop, Mark can step in as the good cop, or vice versa. Anyway, I hope you all are enjoying or will find the imperfect happiness that I've found.