Look, Mom, no anxiety!

The other night as I was putting Paul to bed, he looked over at me and excitedly said, "Hey, Mom, guess what? I got rid of my anxiety!" If a 5-year-old talking about anxiety sounds strange to you, let me explain. When Paul was in the throes of feeling majorly fearful about starting kindergarten, Mark and I did some reading. We came across an article that recommended referring to anxiety by its actual name and encouraging kids to "tell their anxiety to be quiet." So we told Paul that when he felt afraid of something, he should ask himself if it was indeed something scary and if it wasn't, he should tell himself that it was anxiety talking and that it needed to be quiet.

Whether our techniques helped or if it was just simple repeated exposure to his fears that helped alleviate the problem, I'm not sure. What I do know is that the kid has come a long way. From the time he started preschool, Paul had major separation anxiety. I'm not just talking tears when it was time for me to leave. I'm talking big tantrums with snot coming out his nose and sometimes him clinging to me and running after me as I left. Last year, his second year in preschool, was better but still not great. Needless to say, I anticipated a pretty bumpy start to full-day kindergarten.

What I got instead was an unbelievably pleasant surprise. Paul has done a 180. He goes to school happily every day. I thought taking the bus home would be a big problem, but after one or two days of angst, his bus ride home is now one of his favorite parts of the day. And I've not only seen changes in how he feels about school. I've watched him become much less fearful in general and more independent. I still can hardly believe the transformation.

Maybe Paul could teach me a thing or two. Believe me, I know anxiety. I've been a worrier and an obsessive over-thinker for as long as I can remember. Anxiety is such a pernicious little bugger. Rationally, I know that worrying does me no good and in fact can take a real toll. Knowing that, however, does nothing to release its grip on me when I'm going through an anxious period. I've lost whole days and even weeks consumed with worry. The good news is that my anxiety ebbs and flows. I go through anxious periods, and then my brain just eventually realizes that whatever I'm worried about isn't a real threat and I'm free of it, at least until some other worry creeps in.

After years of dealing with angst, I've come to accept that it's just a part of me, and I've learned to cope with it. I try to eat right, I exercise, I try to take some quiet time each day. And when things are really challenging, I take a deep breath and go back and read this quote from Marcus Aurelius: "Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present."

Phew, all this talk about anxiety has me worried about exactly what genes I'm passing down to my kids. No, that's just the anxiety talking. Be quiet now.