How did I get here?

It's amazing how your whole life can come into sharp focus in one short trip to the grocery store. I'll explain. Last Sunday Ben and Paul were at each other yet again, so I asked Paul if he wanted to come to the grocery store with me. He could pick out a Lunchable, I said. "No!" he said. "I'll go," Ben said. "I'll go!" Paul said. And that's how I stupidly fell into the trap of bringing my two eldest to the store with me.

"All right you two, I need your best behavior if you want to get a Lunchable," I said. "We will, Mommy," they promised.

Soon I had loaded them into the car cart and we made our way into the produce department where they immediately began screeching, giggling, fighting and elbowing each other. "Oh, they're having so much fun in there," said a few elderly folks we encountered. "They're just great," I thought, smiling through gritted teeth. Soon we had reached the Lunchables. I let them choose one, but "your behavior had better improve or I'm putting them back," I threatened.

The bad behavior continued through the frozen foods. There I was yanking Paul from behind his steering wheel and placing him in the front of the cart to separate him from Ben. That's when I encountered a guy who said, "You've got your hands full, lady," in a sing-songy voice. Lady? Really? Did you just call me lady? How can I be "lady"? I'm not that old, am I?

Maybe I am. As the checker and bagger flirted all through processing my order, I glared at my kids and sternly told them to sit on the bench. "I'm older than you, I'm 17 already," said the girl checker. "Well I'm almost 17, I'm 16 and a half" said the boy bagger. I haven't been 16 for, well, almost 16 years. Wow. Who should appear behind me then but sing-songy guy telling the flirting teens that he was twice as old as them. So there. Where do you get off calling me lady, buddy? You're right there with me in the over-30 set.

"Goodbye, Mama," said my sing-songy friend as I was leaving with my naughty boys in tow. I guess it's all downhill from here.

By the way, after sending them to their rooms for 15 minutes when we got home, I caved on letting the boys have their Lunchables. I'm a pushover to boot. This was a sad, sad day.